Apparently you make a good broom.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
