k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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