just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
