Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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