I could make wine with my vomit
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
