Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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