i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
