I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
