If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
