i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
