I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize