I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
