I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
