take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is it because I queefed?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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