Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
