he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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