Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think my fart just growled at me.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
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I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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