I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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