went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
