can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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