I need to stop coming to work sober
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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