What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Pappa wants mamma naked
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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