we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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