we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
