Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
