That's intense
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
