you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
