I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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