i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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