I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
