I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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