i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
