Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
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That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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