I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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