fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Pooping to opera.
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