cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
