I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
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I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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