when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
