Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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