Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
