One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Everclear isn't food dammit
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
