Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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