That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
