I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
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sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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