i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
