I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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