Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Even my vagina gasped.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
