We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
