Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Blood and glitter go together right?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize