I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize