hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
