Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
