I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
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my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
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A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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