Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
