Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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