All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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