you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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