Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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