no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
