Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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