Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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