I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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