Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm both gender and math confused
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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