so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
