I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
