mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
